If You’re Not With the Ones You Love, Love the Ones You’re With

Moving is a lot more than packing your things in boxes and moving them from one place to another. Americans really have a culture of being on the move. The pioneer spirit told us that it would be worth it if we moved West. Kids go to college, then look for jobs far from home, without realizing how emotionally difficult moving away from the support of family and friends is.

So, what, oh wise one, you ask, can we do once we find ourselves 800 miles from home and regretting it? Well, after you analyze why you moved in the first place and decide those things are still true—a job, for instance; a partner; to be near the mountains and all the activity they offer—you can help yourself feel more at home.

First step is to realize you don’t make friends in a week. It’s not like college, where you bonded with roommates or dorm mates because you were all in the same boat. It takes time to build friendships. A rule of thumb, I think, is two years. Give a place two years and you will finally begin to feel like you belong there. That’s a lot of lonesome days and lonesome nights!

What happens in those two years? You find somebody to cut your hair the way you like it and soon she knows your name when you walk in. You locate a doctor, a dentist, maybe a favorite sushi place. You find your way to the mall, the Lowe’s, and all the other places you must know to function in your new place.

Then, you look for ways to meet people. Some friendships begin out of convenience. If you’re working with a team, that provides you a starter set of relationships. Someone has a party, someone gets married, someone invites you to be on the softball team. These are all seedlings of friendship. Some will sprout and grow, some will just die out.

If you’re lucky, you get good neighbors. If you’re renting in an apartment complex, surrounded by a thousand other people, you’re more than likely not going to meet many of them. It just doesn’t happen. They are temporary and they don’t invest much time in other temporary people. It seems that home or townhouse ownership is one of the best ways to make friends, because neighbors now feel they have something invested in you—one of their neighbors.

Other friendships are kindled when you share common interests. Whether it’s joining a hiking group, a scuba class or a volunteer organization, find something you enjoy doing and chances are good you will meet others with the same interest that also appeal to you as friends.

Of course the old saying is true—to have friends you must show yourself to be friendly. Whether moving to a new place 60 miles away or 800, it’s worth it to invest in new friends.